Update

When I first started this blog I made THIS post. Now it's almost a year later, to the day, and I feel like I'm right back where I started and never really did what I promised to do. Is February just an inspiring month for me? Not sure what it is. Either way, I'm ready to truly make a change.

In looking back over the last year I feel like I've failed. I didn't really seek out an answer, I didn't write about my feelings, I did what I have always done ... hid my problems under the table and avoided them. I have spent the last year doing exactly what I was doing, with no change. Why? I was physically miserable in the process? Why do this? I wish I knew the answer. I'm trying to figure that out so I can make a permanent change. What will that take? I am committed to find that out and to honestly try, and maybe fail along the way, but to not be scared to fail because ultimately that is how I will succeed.

I must begin the process by looking back. There is some great quote about history and what it can teach us about the present, but I can't seem to find it. What I am trying to say is that until I look back and see what either didn't work or what I didn't do, I won't be able to make any progress into the future. The past gives so much power about the future.

So, I've began to ponder ... What have I done in the last year that has helped my health? I think the biggest accomplishment was learning how to talk about what I go through with my husband.My illness is not something that is obvious. It's not like I have any outward symptoms that allow others to see me as a sick person (which is a blessing for sure and I recognize that). For the most part I look healthy and fine. Having my husband in medical school makes it that much more difficult. He is being trained to look at the problem and fix it. So, when there is no physical symptom is it hard to "just fix it." There is no "quick fix." I've learned that it's a journey. Each day is a new day and a different day. I believe that stress is a HUGE factor in my physical health. I have come to a new realization of how interconnected the body and mind really are and how much they affect each other. I have come to really believe in the benefits of yoga. I believe in naturopathic medicine. I have not always been a believer, but over this 6 year journey, I have come to be a believer in the power in nutrition, supplementation, clean eating and acupuncture. In an ideal world I would eat only organic, do yoga everyday, get acupuncture bi-weekly, see a naturopath and have a supplementation plan, however, we are in medical school and are trying to survive, financially. All of those previous answers cost money. Therefore, my challenge is to find cost-effective solutions.

I'm going to start by making small changes. I'm going to also start by being aware of my body and documenting how I'm feeling week by week and what changes I have made that week and their result.

I hope and pray that I can have the dedication to make progress this time.